January 27th Changed My World

Normally this is not an aspect of my life that I share but feel directed to write this today. Perhaps there is someone struggling with the loss of a loved one and there need to be exercising faith - believing that the Lord can do all things - even in extreme circumstances, when most people seem to lose hope.

January 27, 1993, changed my world forever. Although I still have three wonderful children and the most precious grandchildren in the world, a piece of my heart is gone. That piece? My fourth child, a son who was full of love. His warm smile could melt a heart, and he could charm any and every one. His friends were many, his enemies few. His concern for others was sincere.Often he gave when he didn't have to give. If you'd asked for the shirt off his back, he would have given it. Too, he could be a pest...joking when being serious would have been best.I miss Mark...I miss his first words when he called, "hi, momma". I miss his hugs that squeezed the stuffing out of me; his love pats; and his arm around my neck. I miss his expressions of life and of love.

Mark fell into the pit holes of youth and on into adulthood. He struggled with his calling and identity. It was a constant struggle. However I was encouraged that the Lord would go with Mark, and that he would find his way. Wonderfully the Lord never lets us down (if we believe).

It took several years before I was able to go through his belongings. The pain of so quickly losing him was too great to do so before then. When I did, I came across handwritten notes that Mark has written. As I read the pages, I wept. They were sermons - sermons that he should have preached. No one will ever hear them as they lie wasted in the bottom of a cardboard box. What God wanted most for Mark will never be. In his writings were words about faith and trust in God. Examples carefully written on the pages. His words encouraged the use of faith. I continue to hold to the faith he wrote of, for I believe God answers a mother's prayer, and holding to that faith, I plan to see Mark one day in heaven. He did not pass from this life as some ugly gossip and rumors had it, for in his last few minutes on this earth, he and the Lord came to peace. He spent his last few minutes uttering praise to God in a heavenly language.

Now for that person that may be struggling - we do struggle from time to time with our loss. And moreover it is difficult to accept the scripture, ". . . the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away..."(Job 1:21). But even harder is its finish, ". . . blessed be the name of Lord." Bless the Lord when he takes away a vital part of our being? Taking away a life that loved unselfishly, bringing slices of excitement and joy? Yes, we need to bless Him! The Lord sometimes only gives us loved ones for a season, and He has every right to reclaim them. Dear one that struggles, may you find peace and comfort. For to have loved ones even for only a short while is better than to never have had them at all.

Mark's pride and joy from the time he turned 15 until his passing at 32 - and it still sits in our garage. Just wanted to use something different instead of a traditional picture.