Must You Write in Every Blank Space?

With the loss of a family member and a few friends and acquaintances in the last few weeks, it has made me aware of how important it is to be sensitive at such a time. Thinking back, I remember receiving many wonderful words of encouragement and comfort. Many of the utterances are still framed in my heart as "apples of gold in pictures of silver."

We all want to be a blessing, especially in times of hardship. However, we must be cautious in our zealousness to help that we never blindly push our expressions because we feel spirituality dictates it. Life is fragile, and when dealing with a loss, people's hearts are even more fragile. Sensitivity must be foremost even if it means saying or writing nothing. Sometimes being a comforter means staying in the background - just committing ourselves to prayer for them.

Why do I say this? Well, I remember a particular card I received after losing my son Mark. Handwritten were details of Job's sin and his need to repent. This person said if we'd repent, good things would return to our lives. Such hurtful words, at a hurtful time. Then, when our granddaughter Zoe passed away a couple of years later, the same person sent another sympathy card referencing Job, repentance, and forgiveness of sin - declaring that then and only then would prosperity come. To say the least, this note written on every blank space of the card (and a large card at that) was extremely painful; and more plainly, awful. Her written words traveled around that card, up the sides from top to bottom and sometimes in between the printed message. The writing didn't stop there, it took off on the back side in three directions - either the writer was confused or wanted us to be. Unfortunately, this poor soul in presuming to be wise was a torturer - and no matter how you look at it, was making assumptions that we weren't living right or this event would have never happened.

A month or so later while extremely low in spirit, I mentioned the cards to my pastor's wife, who had also lost a child. She totally understood (had happened to her too) and gave me the best advice - go home and burn it. That losing Zoe was just another trial as it was in losing Mark. I followed her advice, and wow, what a relief to rid myself of those cards!

Do you believe that a decent, upright person can have adversity? Sure, they can. The Bible says that the rain falls on the just as well as the unjust. We don't like to think that God allows things to happen to His own. However, in life, there are those designated to suffer more, carry heavier loads, and bear extreme heartache. It's the path they must take toward heaven, and not because they need to be suppressed to make it or they've been disobedient but it is just God's plan.

Above all, we must be very careful in our human summarizations for we may with our choice of words destroy not only the soul of the receiver but ourselves who are extending (a verdict). So remember the next time condolences are sent, be careful not to write in every blank space.